When someone says I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done, give him a lollipop.

A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming, is not worth knowing.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice, while in practice, there is.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

Boehm's Entropic Addendum: Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.

The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails.

The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's a well-established technique!

Mathemeticians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists stand on each other's toes.

The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.

Progress does not involve replacing one theory that is wrong with one that is right, rather it involves replacing one theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.

If at first you don't succeed; you are running about average.

True greatness is measured by how much freedom you give to others, not by how much you can coerce others to do what you want.

Let us be charitable, and call it a misleading feature :-)

Software interprets lawyers as damage, and routes around them.

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.

Linus' Law: Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Perspective is worth 50 IQ points.

Most men would rather die, than think. Many do.

Power corrupts and PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

I can do it more quickly if you don't keep asking me questions.

Baldrick: I was wondering if I might have the afternoon off??
Blackadder: Of course not. Who do you think you are? Wat Tyler? You can have the afternoon off when you die. Not before.

George: If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do ?
Edmund: Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.

The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.

I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.

Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.

Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

We must beware of needless innovations, especially when guided by logic.

We occasionally stumble over the truth but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.

Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.

It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.

63% of all statistics are made up... including this one.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

All of your co-workers are fools. You must learn to pity and tolerate them.

An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

I'll be happy to make these unnecessary changes to this irrelevant document.

Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.

Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil.

Technical people respond to questions in three ways: It is technically impossible (meaning: I don't feel like doing it); It depends (meaning: abandon all hope of a useful answer); The data bits are flexed through a collectimizer which strips the flow-gate arrays into virtual message elements (meaning: I don't know).

The entire economic system depends on the fact that people are willing to do unpleasant things in return for money.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as "nutty methods." Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."

There are two essential rules to management. One, the customer is always right; and two, they must be punished for their arrogance.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

When did ignorance become a point of view?

Work is for losers. A winner says 'That's on my list' and never commits to a deadline.

Your brain is like your stomach in the sense that if it's empty, you're willing to put anything in there to fill it up.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.

The important thing is never to stop questioning.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

A quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest.

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.

If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.

Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one.

Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.

If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.

Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.

Of those who say nothing, few are silent.

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.

Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

You must believe in free will; there is no choice.

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.

Knowledge is the most democratic source of power.

All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.

We think in generalities, but we live in detail.

Every really new idea looks crazy at first.

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

A true friend stabs you in the front.

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.

All that I desire to point out is the general principle that life imitates art far more than art imitates life.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn't become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him.

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I can resist everything except temptation.

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

I suppose society is wonderfully delightful. To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it is simply a tragedy.

I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

Of course I have played outdoor games. I once played dominoes in an open air cafe in Paris.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not.

Luke: I can’t believe it.
Yoda: That is why you fail.

Named must your fear be before banish it you can.

Grave danger you are in. Impatient you are

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.

Always in motion is the future.

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing

Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting the different results

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians.

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee. That will do them in.

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.

Any teacher that can be replaced by a computer, deserves to be.

We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.

Any science or technology which is sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic.

Any technology that is distinguishable from magic is not sufficiently advanced.

Computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps only weigh 1 1/2 tons.

From then on, when anything went wrong with a computer, we said it had bugs in it.

Technology is like fish. The longer it stays on the shelf, the less desirable it becomes.

The Linux philosophy is 'Laugh in the face of danger'. Oops. Wrong One. 'Do it yourself'. Yes, that's it.

To be a nemesis, you have to actively try to destroy something, don't you? Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side effect.

A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

"There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction"

"Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work."

"You never change the existing reality by fighting it. Instead, create a new model that makes the old one obsolete."

"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation."

When I have listened to my mistakes, I have grown.

Mistakes are merely steps up the ladder.

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.

Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.

There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons.

If you don't make mistakes, you're not working on hard enough problems. And that's a big mistake.

Mistakes fail in their mission of helping the person who blames them on the other fellow.

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second.

There Are Bugs And Then There Are Bugs. And Then There Are Bugs.

Mature Software: Code Old Enough That For Every Bug Fixed, One Or More New Bugs Are Created.